Solitary Desert Traveller

This is a poem i wrote when i felt very lonely in my class room . i am here the desert traveler in the poem and mentioned the rain drops as the friends.........

Walking through miles ,moving along a very long way

Tiring through the dry desert not even a single bay.

Moving through out the life alone holding the hands with air

This traveler with no one in this world worth for him to care.

I do not know when the journey started.

I do not know when it would end.

Although many people in my life departed

still i travel with a hope to meet a friend.

At times trespassers crosses me without even a smile

as they had their own joys in their miles.

There were cactus spread in pair

but my oasis of mind had no one to share.

I wander along just for a trusted hold

but loneliness never let me move out of its fold.

As crying throughout made my eyes dry as desert

I am still unaware why i had chosen this desert.

Once a sole drop landed on my cheeks from the vast sky

and accompanied me for few miles for a try

I cared it,loved it even begged it to stay along

later i could understand that ,for me it did not belong.

With loads of worries and confusion in my mind

I was fighting to get back my drops from the wind

striking my mind for the reason why it had left

as i should have encapsulated it without a slept.

Might be the drop would not deserve my love

or that the wind had more love to the drop than to the dove

or is that i am not a suitable man for anyone

or should i still travel alone to search someone.

Still not stopping my steps raising my head

as i hope for another drop in my miles ahead

which i would never let it go

and take it till my grave .................

I think you cant consider it as a poem as it lacks many poetic device i just used little alteration and rhyming words and metaphor still i am very sure yo can feel the poem and can understand what i want to convey...

My Life Time Crush

I have already narrated this story to all my friends but still i just want to share this lovely experience here just to make me happy thinking of that.....

It was the hectic year to go for me as i had to give my board exam and it was the year i came back to my old school from a boarding school which i dint like .Its a week before the school begined we were being sent to tuition classes by our parents to make us score more than their neighbors kid . Soon after meeting my old friends i was happy to come back to my own school and there people started gossiping about a beautiful girl. I was not surprised to hear as our school always had a good stock of pretty girls as we are used to be with them from all over the nation.My friend really emphasized more about a particular girl .He said "i really dont like Hyundai accent car but after seeing her eating ice cream inside the car, even i started liking the car with her ". Hmmm this got to be too much but i really dint take it much seriously .

I attended my first day tutorial class . It was really boring for me as teachers already taught me those chapters in the boarding school so i was checking out all the girls in the class as they were all used to sit in front of us. I noticed a girl who really had a thick long hair which is neatly combed and had a tidy pig tail lying which was so unique from the rest of the crew.So in the first few classes my eyes were only on the pig tail which really distracted me to the core.

It was a unforgettable day of my life, the class got over and i came out to the entrance rolling my scooty talking with my friend. Suddenly a green qualis reached in front of the entrance .An old man suddenly rushed from the front seat and opened the door at the back .Slowly a girl hugging her books slowly trying to step out adjusting her duppata slowly stepped the ground such that even the ground would felt happy to use it in a very gentle way. As in all film a wind blowed on my face when she crossed me and i lost all consciousness looking her after she crossed me and it was the same pig tail which was waving back .I asked my friend "who is she oh god what a feminism woww...."

he replied "vaishnavi" the same girl whom my other friend described earlier.My legs and thoughts restricted me and i was about to move into the class again but my bloody friend took me away as he need to reach home earlier that day .

I was driving my scooty in air i really dont know how my secondary mind took me to home as i was really not conscious while driving as my mind was driving behind her.Then i again called my friend and said " machan i saw that girl, god she was like hell and you were right as yo will like not only the car used but even the ice cream cup which she would have thrown away.

I would watch her every day in my class. she was always humble ,very simple she was unique from other girls as she never had any glittery accessories ,make ups. She had a classic selection of dress even the slippers which was an ivory colour which hardly refused to move out of her leg when she tried to remove it. Her beauty always stayed with her . If you ask me to describe about her i have several language to express it, you know when the name vaishnavi reaches my brain from the auditory canal my brain produces roots to the imagination of describing her. She has a predominant beautiful long silky hairs which is always pig tailed and very neatly combed such that even at the end of the school not even a single hair would move away or scatter from their position as they all abide for what she says as they are always proud to be a part of her. There would always be a bunch of hairs left below and it perfectly swings through her hip when she walks . She had a sharp face which had lot of expressions lying and a gleaming speaking eyes which always conveyed messages which only the god could understand . She never beautify her as there were no need for that as everything she possessed was perfect enough as i felt it was a great effort of the creator and atlast the god succeeded in making his imaginative angel to the world. She neatly dresses up where her cloths are close to her body which was perfectly fitting her body and enhancing her figure in a better presentable way .She was soo pretty that even buddha would leave his meditation to describe about the beauty and even lord vinayak and hanuman would leave their bachelorhood life.

So everyday i see her when she crosses my class room in the school . She never minds me as she dosent know anything about me ,so i used to go and fall in her view so that my image would fall on her iris. I like her in one thing as whenever she used to see a guy she see them straight into their eyer where it showed her originality and a great confidence of her rather than looking the guys secretly.Everyday i loose myself thinking about her as i feel she has a deep well inside her eyes that when i fall into it i cant reach out . I used to say to my mom that how god can create a girl so beautifully .My pretty mom would hear all the stories which i said and at last she would say now go and read as you need to give a board exam.

In my school days boys and girls kept a pretty distance so i had very less chance to go and talk . i have heard that if anyone go and propose her she gently says she is not interested despite crying, shouting and complaining to teachers. I did not had any idea to propose as i hardly know about her and i was not in a right age to decide things . We were teens and we could not hardly understand what is going on ,it was hard to understand our own parents even hard to understand about our self so i thought it was not the right age to love .So as months were passing out and i was a bloody guy who looks very average was behind the beauty of an angel . I will wait outside the school till her van moves and kept it secret as no one knows it.

I really want to go and talk with her. Want to take her for a ride to any exciting hill area or taking her to the beach or make something to excite her. I really want to hold her hands and walk on the empty road telling all the old stories and better understand her and care her and fulfill all her psychological needs.I too wanted to hold her hand tight through out my life.I even hate air which touches her and played with her hairs and dress. But it was all the thought of a teen aged guy were things are really very immature. So it was just my imagination where i know it would never happen.

Again there was a beautiful day waiting for me in my life. It was a final revision exam for us were we usually sit near 10th standard students but on that particular day we had to sit near girls as the 10th students dint had exams.So i was crossing the class where she was sitting in the first bench and i thought that who would be the lucky guy who is going to sit near her .Me and my friend passed three class rooms and entered but the class room was already filled and we were sent back .The boys were so fast grabbing their places so rest of the students were sent to the adjacent classes and now i entered into the class where the angel was sitting i just rushed to her bench where she was sitting but i dint sit. I just holded the bench such that no other person could sit and i was looking to the teacher who was in that class she was saying" what are yo looking up for sit there soon". Oh god now i can sit there with a permission ,i was blushing ,,my heart was pounding ,sweating in nervousness and my excitement was taking me to the peak.I just closed my eyes i could feel the smell of the tomy girl perfume and hardly there would been a five to six inch of void between us which was filled by her chudidar lying on the bench.

We received the question paper and answer sheets ,Thank god it was English exam else i would have got screwed up.When i started to write my hands were shivering out as they were not in my control . I was trying to impress foolishly by writing in a very neat handwriting. The exam was for three hours but we have done it in almost one and a half hour and just taking rest . She was playing a game of factorials were she wrote a name and changed their characters in all possible ways so i took a chance where i drew some art in the question paper and kept it on the desk so that she could see it.Things were going good, in between my bloody friend asked me a doubt who was sitting in the same row in the adjacent bench. She just moved her body and helped in such a way that i and my friend could see mutually and discuss, i thought if i help she would think i know the right answer and also i am helping friends so i took my pad and showed him the answer ,suddenly i got a knock on my head from the teacher . she took my pad went through the pages and said" if you dont know the answer dont come to exam rather discussing the answer and writing it ". Oh god i thought what the hell is happening ,he was the one who copied but i was getting scoldings.The whole class gave me a dirty look but still i was happy that she knows that only i showed the answer and i was not the one who copied.

Our public exam stared and we used to have a prayer were i used to see her without praying. one fine day she dint come to the exam were all the teachers were asking for her and searching her i was too scared as she stayed away from the town at last at the end of the minute she came where i had an ease to breath.

At the last exam i felt very bad as i would miss her but again there was a day when i went to write an entrance exam for amrita college where she came along with her parents in the same accent car were her face was still lying in my mind, i was standing in the ground watching her like a kid watching a roller coaster in amusement park.she was chatting with her mom who was sitting in the front.That was the last fine day i saw her.Then i got to know she got a seat in a in college in coimbatore . Once i left a message in orkut she too responded later i tried to contact her through social networking but no way i could reach her.Even now i have sent a friend request in facebook but she dint accept.

This is the story happened almost four years ago and i dont know why it is still reminding in my mind as if all happened yesterday .All my friend used to say why you dint approach her and even some of my friend were the friend of her and asked me could they tell her about me and all the above i got her mobile number from my friend but i dint take it up.Its not because i dont have guts but it is because i still dont want to disturb her ,there may or may not be a man in her life but what i want is that should not be a blind love .It was a crush of course which i had and till now i was not being lost in beauty of any other girl. It does not mean we need to propose to a person whom ever we had a crush .Love is something divine which is always between two person despite from one person. A love can never happen only from the beauty as it is like a magnet which will get attracted only with the person who also like us and have little love for us.

Now i am in a fashion field where my class room is filled up with waxy dolls and there is no scarcity of angels in this Mumbai ,but still i make up my mind to look for a girl who could better understand the language of my heart as love never come when we go and search for it despite it come by itself where we dont know when it attack us. So i will keep all this thought fresh in my heart till my grave .I think if we really care for a person we should never disturb them i do the same .

I am really sorry vaishnavi i am not making things public as its just the past thoughts which is remaining it is not intentional to hurt anyone.sorry again..............................

Love,Dependency and Loneliness

I really want to bluff something about love and dependency as it always disturbs me everyday and confuse me to judge about my brain and heart .I dont know why every time a graduated brain fails with love and affection to everyone and why a strong heart which can survive even after loosing many friends slides and gets very emotional when it see a tear in its moms eyes.

We can hardly see a man independent ,ya no man in this world is ready to party alone and share his joys to himself and also no man tries always to dump sorrows in his heart life long thus we say exactly man is a social animal who needs other people for him to share emotions in their own way.we can see that we need a friend to go for a walk and another for a movie some friends to party some friends to share sorrow and this goes on....ultimately we survive happily when someone is there with us or away from us and listen to our heart.

At times the soo called " social enemies" like ego ,misunderstanding ,superiority and inferiority complex without even asking our permission gets to be friend of us and make all their best efforts to push away the friends and makes us to retain in its circle.At last we loose that particular friend for no reason and without even knowing that we hold our hand with social enemies mentioned above we result in loneliness sitting and thinking as only the memories are left with us ...

After few days or months again we get a friend ,we get attached with them ,again we have fights and this goes on in our emotional circle . Now let us try to make a decision, we are brilliant enough to analyse good and bad ,we tackle our exam without touching books ,we make our heart strong when we move to an unknown place and we survive, sometimes we feel very proud of us thinking of our self but when it comes to love dependency what the crap is going on between mind and heart .Is that an emergency period for heart and mind and decide to steal our democracy.

Even after many break up we search for love , even after many emotions which cheats us we are ready to help .So this love dependency circle circulates and alters our emotions everyday Is there any way to escape from this .Pl think and suggest a way to this solitary soul soon.................

Chennai my first lover........

I tend to write this because i really miss her deeply . When i departed from chennai it was a heavy down pour and i really struggled to hide my emotions from her ,ultimately we were tied up with expression . When i was in 5th standard i came to chennai for my treatment in appollo hospital, it was the first time i met her,she was marvelous , in that age i was very crazy to travel in her local trains ,watching her big roads ,tall buildings,heavy traffic and i had a great crush in the way she was making herself busy . She was too caring with her friends she comfort all who forwarded her for a friendship.

This crush turned up to a serious love when i was studying college though i got a college which was located an hour away from her i struggled to get a college in vellacherry and settled in her province.Later, days passed on when i could realize her love to me. I got an independent flat and lived alone for couple of years where she turned my life into a pretty wonderful way.

She taught me to live alone,to make life self dependent,to drive my vehical in heavy traffic,to earn money,to talk with people, to dress,to behave.She took me to beach,shopping malls,multiplex theaters,theme restaurants and lots more places where i was little surprised to see them initially.She safeguarded me every time like a kid and was preserving my emotion.Because of her i found my passion towards fashion .She explored my talents and made me realize myself.

We had many wonderful moments ,we talk a lot and she wets me fully in the rain in my terrace and make me dance ,in the beach she talks with me a lot expressing her love and touch me often with her waves and take my thoughts through her wind. During mid night i walk with her in the empty roads holding her hands talking about my day .And yo know she is always hot and spicy.

In two years our bonding tightened and our mutual understanding and love got to be more . She behaves sometimes as my mother and sometimes as my girlfriend she was the one to console me for my sorrows and laugh with me for my silly jokes . After all this, she made me to analyse about my passion able life and asked me to take up an opportunity in mumabi which is really far from her.Initially i tremble to move away from her ,Later it was a task for me to use all the techniques she taught me to live independently.

We hardly kept our emotions and thoughts secretly which is hardly accessible to others.Even on the time of moving she helped me choosing lot of dress ,she shopped everything which i needed and sent me very safely .But on the last day when i was about to reach central station she burst out her emotions crying a lot and me searching a language to express my thoughts but i was spell bound.Now let me tell yo my dear i love yo to the core and miss yo deeply i know yo are awaiting for me with your hands open and i will come soon to hold your hands tighter such that i will never leave you again in my life..............